Bitterness by Daniel Johnson, EMWOFP Panel Member

It gets harder to care when the concern is unreturned
so I waste away and the heart atrophies the whole while I burn
dark days and bright nights destroy the natural sights
so a man stops seeing as he should
stops acting polite and goes the total opposite of good
all because the care was uncared for and what he didn't have he wanted even more
he dreamed for the house the fence the kids the two car garage
but when his vision was lost
he got lost and tossed to and fro within the mercies of the wind
he couldn't fathom his own worth because thinking about the pain involved with life gave him hurt
and he couldn't believe that he had much self worth because of the actions within his life
they didn't line up with his own dreams of family and wife
so instead of finding peace with himself he lowered his own standards
to something that he knew that they could handle but he himself was dismantled
even though he still went by the same mantle
clearly he was a simple shell of what he used to be
where he used to behave gentlemanly he now seemed to behave inhumanly
didn't open doors anymore
because they didn't appreciate it he became everything he hated
and he didn't even think to debate it
he didn't care to pay for meals because all she wanted him to do involved elevated heels
and even less clothes than she wore on a daily basis
but yet these were things he previously hated
he embraced them wholeheartedly because he believed they would liberate him
but they bring him so close to breaking he can hardly stand the waiting
at times flashes of the old him desire to break to the surface but he suppresses every instinct
a quick smile and a wink
and the new nature of being cold callous and uncaring is back ruling and reigning
whereas he used to be one given to abstaining
there isn't much in the Kama Sutra remaining
because he allowed his own bitterness to give birth to hatred of the women he now was serially dating
and he couldn't bear to give up his heart
so he just allowed everything to remain dark
and every step killed his mother because she couldn't even recognize her own son
by the time he was done
she was in the ground and he was still that hurt little boy running around town
seeking anything any acceptance that could be found
but he never could find contentment from the women his little black book listed
there was always a God sized hole in his heart
that he couldn't fill living in the dark
he was walking wounded
someone gave him directions to the Doctor's Office but he couldn't do it
he didn't have the strength to leave what he became comforted in
even though he knew it was sin
but one day a friend of his mother's came by the house and evoked her memory and tears flowed
just when he had almost lost every shred of hope
the seed planted way back when began to sprout and he found himself at church
absolved of all the pain and all those he had hurt
washed clean with the Blood of a Passover Lamb
born a new man
the pain in his heart now gone and in its place was a peace he'd never known to exist
gone was all of his bitterness